...but I kind of think the way the world is made is stupid and I'm don't want to spend my whole life chipping off parts of myself to fit into a space someone I've never met decided to fit me into. If there even is someone who decides these things.
I know I can't be the only one. Creatives the world over and all through time must feel this. The feeling that we don't fit. The feeling that everything is made for people who value things that don't matter to us. The feeling that what we have to offer the world is not what the world keeps demanding from us. That's how you crush creativity, I think: constantly coming up against a world that tells us that our pride and joy, the things we spend all our time and effort on, don't matter enough to pay our way in the world.
It's exhausting, pretending you're not crushed by that. It's exhausting trying to do both, to make things and to survive. It's exhausting dimming your light so you don't stand out, just to get by.
And I don't think it's necessary. I really don't. If I'm going to be wrung out by making something, and then worn out by paying bills, I'd rather be worn out following my own goals than the ones laid down by random expectation. I think I always have a choice, and more and more, I'm choosing each time to be who I am.
I can make a life I want to live, and if it doesn't look like a standard life, oh well. I can make the work I do matter, by making thing that matter to me my work. My energy is limited and I'm not willing to waste it much anymore.
I just need to keep reminding myself that. And maybe reminding other people, because there has to be other people who would rather be living their own lives than ones handed to them, right?
So I'm choosing my life. Which one are you choosing?